You named your first cassette, Humped, and then wrote the humping anthem of all humping anthems, "I Wanna Hump You" for the debut album.
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In other words, they're humping with a purpose these days.
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She says she remembers him humping her before blacking out.
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Whether you're into oral sex, fingering, utilizing strap-ons, or even dry humping (yes, dry humping), figure out your preferred methods of prolonging things and building intimacy, and incorporate them into your sex life.
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Of course, that didn't stop me from continuing my humping habit.
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Therefore, humping a pillow can stimulate more erogenous zones at once.
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Throw in some dirty talk and dry-humping if you like.
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I woke up with physical convulsions, humping pillows or the air.
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"He kept pinching my breast and humping my leg," she said.
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Amy shares that she apparently masturbates by humping a stuffed panda.
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I was dancing with a bunch of girlfriends and my friends. Humping?
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All around me, everyone was taking their air-humping very, very seriously.
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Hollering, pulling faces and stool humping don't necessarily cement authentic connections with audiences.
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For people who have clitorises, dry humping can lead to mind-blowing orgasms.
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One moment you're watching Killing Eve, and the next you're humping the couch.
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"They're just piled on top of each other, humping," Hozoji told me, laughing.
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A burgeoning porn genre that features naked people dabbing before they start humping.
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Is having a good time synonymous with humping your idol without their consent?
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One hump for hump day, two humps for humping on hump day. Duh.
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One is pulling fluff out of the leg while the other is humping it.
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What they found the second time was females humping the backs of sika deer.
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Employees in both states were caught humping inmates and smuggling in drugs and cellphones.
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So people have to actually be humping each other for it to notify you.
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All he asks in return is for drunk people to please, please stop humping her.
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Read on for their advice, and consider adding dry humping back to your foreplay Rolodex.
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When will teens go back to wholesome pastimes like dry humping and the choking game?
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Oquendo finishes his set with a long joke that involves simulating humping someone from behind.
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The large critters proceed to run around the grocery store humping things (and each other).
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Depictions are usually either awkward polygonal dry humping, or titillating glimpses of physics-defying melons.
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" — STEPHEN COLBERT, quoting from an article in The Atlantic "He is dry humping Old Glory!
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This means his act runs on furious roller-skating, emphatic air guitar, and humping passersby.
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She said she remembers Cosby grunting and humping her; when she came to, she was naked.
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While people with penises can get pleasure from outercourse, dry humping is all about the clitoris.
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A Corgi in a shearling leather vest humping a plastic horse in a hot pink wig?
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She finishes this segment by dry-humping a chair that could have been designed by JimmyJane.
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"I can still advocate for a marginalized community, while also thinking dog humping is really funny."
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He can't remember shooting or humping Deems, refuses to believe he would do anything that nuts.
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This article originally appeared on VICE UK.Consider this: Joaquin Phoenix humping a sandcastle in The Master.
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" But as Mann himself wrote, looking like you're humping a chair is kind of the "anti-shimmy.
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Or maybe it was the idea that the "theory humping" was burning a hole in my wallet.
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We pick up the action after a montage of odd jobs and Adam Sandler humping various things.
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Granted, dry humping does involve some genital stimulation, so it's not a perfect parallel to your story.
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So the girls would just take off their tops, and the boys would just start humping things.
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The beetles here couldn't even stop humping each other long enough for someone to pick them up!
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It's been over a decade since Pretty Ricky's heyday had way too many teenagers dry humping pillows.
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The theatre seats smelled a little wet, everyone humping their dripping coats over the chair in front.
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You're both adults here and probably definitely capable of keeping your urges in check without humping the furniture.
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It makes a classic activity like dry humping a lot more interesting if penetration isn't on the menu.
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Who the fuck is on top their first time!" and then later concludes that "dry humping is better.
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Soon enough, the pair is humping each other on the stairs before taking their hookup to the bedroom.
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"She rolled in straight from the 'Watch What Happens Live' studio, wasted and humping people," said a source.
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No dunk has ever been more like a basset hound humping a hole after its life partner dies.
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I'm reminded of those horse insemination machines where the poor stud is humping away into a horsey robot.
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You wind up with this awkward, dry humping and grinding situation that often ends in frustration and general angst.
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We talked to Dr. Allison, Thomas, and other sexperts for tips on getting the most out of dry humping.
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You could also choose another sexual activity that lets you leave your tampon or cup in, like dry-humping.
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Humans intervened 97 percent of the time when male dogs were "raping/humping" other male dogs, the paper said.
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You could be humping blow-up dolls and vibrating rubber asses with way higher resolution and better head tracking.
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Kissing, making out, dry-humping, dirty talk, and other forms of foreplay will help you get aroused and get wet.
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Frotty's nickname comes from the word "frottage," which the new trader (with fabulous hair) explains means dry humping in public.
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You've gotta hand it to the DJ's balls though, not one Bieber tune yet and everybody's already humping each other.
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We made out for a long time, but never took off our underwear — and I came from dry humping alone.
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It's like humping away as the world burns around you (which is...kinda what we are already doing right now).
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Anyway, maybe Buddy got excited or something when he saw me masturbating on the rug, because he started humping my leg.
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Physical abuse included groping, slapping and touching, both on and under their uniforms, as well as "unwanted hugs, kisses, and humping".
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Madison, but I don't think this chap eye-humping someone in the subway is the best way to rebrand your company.
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Consider other masturbation techniques that don't involve sex toys, like solo dry-humping, or get reacquainted with your hands, Battle says.
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One of the most famous brothels in the world thinks it can help Tiger Woods get over the hump ... by humping.
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Taking influence from TV shows like Jackass, the game included humping dogs, foul language, and naked women, both animated and real.
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Yes, you have to be humping, basically—otherwise the mattress won't recognize it as a sexual act and it won't react.
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It's like stopping in a curl half way through, holding it there for minimum 10 minutes, and humping the entire time.
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Neck kisses, ear kisses, touching each other over (or under) your clothes, and even dry-humping can all be included, too.
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Here was a fellow prole, having battled New York City for an absurdly large prize, humping it home like a weary commuter.
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I tried to ask what kind of acts, and she said mostly non-penetration stuff like oral, dry humping, grinding, and groping.
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These three accepted papers contain made-up research, like 10,000 hours of fake observation of dogs humping other dogs at dog parks.
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And the only thing she told me about him is that he barks like crazy and is prone to humping legs (hahaha).
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The clip has Grande altering reality as everyone around her suddenly begins to make out, some graduating to full on dry-humping.
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Key penalties are also revealed: Darby catching a flag for humping Wrinkles, and something about Magic the chihuahua being penalized for excessive celebration.
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The video, originally posted on Snapchat, reportedly showed white players from the Short Pump Middle School football team straddling and humping black students.
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But at the end of the day, all of this talk of humping a male-bodied AI bot is still very much speculation.
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" Anna, a law school student, says she "started masturbating pretty early and got used to reaching orgasm in one specific way: facedown, humping things.
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Rosemary is still essentially fully dressed in a black slip, and, after a few seconds of humping, she quickly announces that she is coming.
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I started humping the bed one night, and then I just started thinking about teachers at school and other people I had crushes on.
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Starcrawler Spitting Blood and Humping TreesStarcrawler caught my ears a couple times while en route to other shows, and I regret not staying longer.
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Wormers think they look really fucking cool because they can pull off a move that sort of looks like a worm humping itself backwards.
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To ensure your next sex session is fire, we've come up with the best beats to keep you pumping, humping, caressing all night long.
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Sending a dolphin humping a tourist to your fraternity brother is worth nothing; sending a suicide bombing to your mom is worth a million.
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"Sex Education" captures the many mishaps and awkward moments that occur during real sex — not some glossy models dry humping each other to ecstasy.
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"You Make Me Wanna" is a column celebrating pop culture-fueled sexual awakenings—from crushing on cartoon characters to humping pillows while watching boyband videos.
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She details her childhood habits of humping a stuffed animal, fantasizing about Jesus, and wanting desperately to "fuck anybody, male or female" in high school.
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You're standing at the bus stop minding your own business when you notice a couple sucking face—and they're going at it, practically dry humping.
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We yearn for those moments of pillow-humping joy, and despite our best judgment, kind of hope she hooks up with that 19-year-old.
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In it, Taube and a few friends recreate the film's climactic suicide scene—dress-humping and all—in the middle of a crowded ice rink.
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In any other administration, evidence that the president paid hush money to the star of "Good Will Humping" during the election would be a scandal.
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Hearing Rampage's familiar complaints about leg humping, then, is a relief, because they mean a legitimately interesting rematch with King Mo is about to happen.
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And during Aramark's two years in the state prisons, its employees were busted for humping inmates, selling drugs, and putting a hit out on a prisoner.
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In general on Valentine's Day, there's always one couple dry humping in the middle of the restaurant and, if we're really lucky, sex in the toilets.
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So for one face-humping session to have probiotic properties, the humpee would have to swallow between ten and 10,000 grams (10 kg) of vaginal fluid.
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Exactly... Are there any plans to integrate the mattress with other devices so that the humping could trigger a speaker to play a very unsexy song?
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On the upside, imagine getting to tell your children that mommy and daddy met when mommy was a horse and daddy was a 3D cactus humping her.
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"If you're in Chuck E. Cheese, I don't recommend making out, grinding, and dry humping because there are lights and games and music and kids," she says.
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Sometimes, after a long, hard day, the thought of energetic humping can seem so daunting that you and your partner agree to a half-assed snuggle instead.
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Still, I got into some uncomfortable positions on Tinder dates (like this one time when my date wouldn't stop dry-humping me on a club dance floor).
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She does something with her hips and explains it very well, I'm sure, and I try to show her that I understand by mildly humping the air.
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She's lighthearted and fun when she focuses on a single scene, such as the Olympic ring inner tubers, or animating an enthusiastic foodie humping a giant taco.
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The fight went to a decision, and Rittidet was deducted a point for humping his opponent in a comical way after throwing him down in the clinch.
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As a cornerback, he's already staring down a disadvantage: a defensive player in an offense-humping league, the foil to the sport's most iconic plays and players.
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Once, during an episode of Out of this World, I was alone, humping my chair shamelessly, when my father walked in to let me know dinner was ready.
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Despite their reputation as vagrants who can't stop fucking long enough to land themselves a job, it appears millennials aren't actually humping as much as you might think.
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The stories of working in the trenches with towering degenerates—pirates, Bourdain called them—fiercely dedicated to toiling in obscurity and humping out hot plates was my life.
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Even if Labrie's explanation—dry humping, premature ejaculation, boyish bragging—were true, it's difficult to imagine how he or his attorneys were convinced it would carry the day.
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He walked her to a bed in the back room and then "laid next to me and he kept pinching my breasts and humping my leg," she testified.
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Thus its most iconic poses: Pete Townshend clobbering the stage with an electric guitar, Jimi Hendrix humping his amplifiers, Janis Joplin, onstage at Woodstock, shaking from heroin and whiskey.
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It holds its rightful place in every millennial child's horny coming of age story, along with T.A.T.U's "All The Things She Said", Xtina's "Fighter," and humping pillows and showerheads.
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Plus, all of the gyrating and air humping reminds us of "3-Way (The Golden Rule)" — so you might want to turn down the volume if you're watching in public.
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To some extent, that's a knee-jerk reaction: When the rich and ethically disinclined are busy money-humping each other, all kinds of weird connections are bound to pop up.
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Jay Bilzerian (comedian Jason Mantzoukas) was an obnoxious sideshow at the start of the show, perpetually annoying and disgusting the other characters with his obsession with magic and humping pillows.
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For now, a succession of quick shots is all we need: Pauly hugging somebody, some playful dry-humping, the whole gang holding up their glasses (of water?) for the camera.
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But as shocking as it may be to learn that young people aren't humping everything and everyone in sight, this is not the first study to suggest such a thing.
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Thug himself is noticeably absent from the video save for a few self-produced shots of him scarfing down Cheetos next to a private jet and subsequently humping a passenger.
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Click here to view original GIFGIF: Untitled, Lorna Mills, 2015Artist Lorna Mills has built a decades-spanning dazzling menagerie from such gifs (no text), of animals humping, dancing, nibbling, boogying.
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I'd just walk in, go straight to my desk, open my briefcase, and bust out a buncha GI Joes, then smoosh them together for like 45 minutes while making humping noises.
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"In any other administration, evidence that the president paid hush money to the star of 'Good Will Humping' during the election would be a scandal," New York Times columnist Michelle Goldberg noted.
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Okay, it's a gross party palace that's empty of furniture and full of "techno Gatsby" Ken's hangers-on humping in Greg's bedroom, but at least our boy can stand up in there.
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Take the "We Found Love" video: dry humping in a regular sized bathtub in a council block, prancing around on top of tables in a chippy, shoplifting pasta salad from an off license?
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Having potential progeny near your reproductive organs can be straight-up scary when you're just cuddling or dry humping and not expecting it, but can you really get pregnant through layers of clothes?
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This one runs a familiar course: two attractive individuals snogging, groping and dry-humping as if the viewing public, like doped apes, need to be reminded what sexual activity entails in microscopic detail.
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At the far edge of the crowd, a couple is making out atop a pile of trash, dry humping in the solitude of nothing and no one around them but crushed water bottles.
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I was certain we laid this matter to rest three smooth years ago, just after Miley Cyrus birthed the age of the thinkpiece by turning 21-years-old and dry humping a mattress.
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It took me a while to figure out a way to grasp the phone and angle it in a way that felt anything other like I was, you know, dry humping a literal cellphone.
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More than a few of the top "pets & animals" videos are of animals humping; a stark reminder that YouTube has struggled for years with inappropriate content that gets engagement due to its shock value.
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Diana (not her real name), then a student at a Midwestern university, told me she was sexually assaulted by a woman who began straddling and humping her while they were watching a movie together.
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Mr Mukul, a high-school graduate who has been writing songs and poetry since he was 12, found construction work hard, fainting on the fourth day of his first job, humping sacks of cement.
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For them, Vietnam was a war of humping the boonies on a constant search for an enemy that didn't want to be found, sloshing through rice paddies, hacking through jungles or rummaging through hooches.
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I had been on TV saying that I thought the blimp was hypocritical and when someone sent me the pic on my iPhone I thought it was a flying pig humping the Trump blimp.
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If you still think of Akon as that R&B singer from the aughts who sang "Smack That" and got in trouble for dry-humping an underage girl on stage, you're woefully behind the times.
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Besides their God-given hands, men masturbate by using products like the Fleshlight, humping their beds, sticking their meat in cuts of real meat, or dropping a few grand on a dead-eyed sex doll.
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Other words for genital grinding include "frottage" (rubbing, not gender specific), "frot" (man on man), "frotteurism" (man on nonconsensual person aka a felony), and "intercrural sex" (non-penetrative grinding, aka dry humping aka high school).
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Basically it's all the wild stuff you read about on Reddit, such as masturbating to your friend's sister, screaming at your mom in teenage girlhood rage, and dry humping your first girlfriend during a dance.
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This will be made crystal-clear as soon as you see the movie's protagonist—an anthropomorphized sausage voiced by Seth Rogen—dry-humping a curvy hot dog bun within the first few minutes of the film.
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In Frans van Mieris's "Brothel Scene," the setting and characters are just as elegant as the others, but a pile of bed clothes airing out in the background and a pair of humping dogs clarify the scenario.
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"Dry humping with jeans on, not so much, but let's say you have ejaculate or semen inside underwear in touch with vagina, there is a possibility, but it's not likely," says Draion Burch, DO, an Ob/Gyn.
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Having just finished her epic musical, A Ride On The Irish Cream, at the Abrons Art Center, Markey now presents her newest summer series, ERIN MARKEY: Humping a Gatorade Bottle at The Duplex June 29th - August 31st.
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I think I will go with the scene in which a pregnant woman (rapper The Buttress) walks in on the would-be father (Tim Heidecker) aggressively humping what looks like a human torso composed of mutated sex organs.
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When a bunch of male higher-ups allegedly encouraged a female employee to lift up her skirt and press her bare ass to a glass window, manager Michael Marino responded by air-humping it from the other side.
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It needs to feel glamorous—and it just wouldn't if the women were humping gear into vans and playing to crowds of five on Tuesday nights, as is the case for the majority of bands just starting out.
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Science has proven that people who make preposterous claims like "The early bird gets the worm" and "I get so much accomplished in the morning" are probably so prolific and perky because they're clearly not exhausted from humping.
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I was such a humping fanatic that, still, whenever I visit my parents and walk into my old room, I can feel my teddy bear, Wuzzle doll, and Pound Puppy calling me a slut with their judgmental plastic eyes.
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Recently, she's started humping objects at home, like the arm of the sofa, and I've begun explaining to her that if she wants to do something like that, it needs to be in the privacy of her own room.
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Everyone in the movie wants to be a different age than they are: the parents are trying desperately to hold on to their youth, while the teens and pre-teens are eagerly leaping into dry-humping and hand jobs.
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For weeks now, the dolphin, nicknamed Zafar, has been reportedly trying to rub himself up against tourists, dry-humping kayaks, and blocking swimmers from getting to shore with "his pink penis about twenty centimeters often erect," Le Télégramme reports.
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As soon as Kameron Michaels did a jig like an old lady being electrocuted on a shuffleboard court and Eureka turned a split into a stage humping spinning top, I knew that no one was going home this week.
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A low-concept idea with an execution resembling Harmony Korine's Trash Humpers with less trash and more implied humping, the "Famous" video hints, dances around, and gestures towards an attempt to say things about fame, sex, and famous people having sex.
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Making out turned into dry humping, which turned into cuddling, which turned into intertwined legs that resulted in vulva-to-vulva contact that stimulated my already engorged clit, and I came my face off and felt like a total badass.
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If you wanna get more creative than that, you can say your friends are humping, or boning, or goin' at it, or doing it, or porkin', or shtupping, or having a cum party, or listening to old D'Angelo albums all night.
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It was just before the election last fall that Zervos first accused Trump of kissing, groping, and humping her when she met him at his bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel to talk about a job with the Trump Organization.
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It's clear that the show is trying to make Mac's hypocrisy the butt of the joke — he's wildly anti-gay while also constantly humping his male friends — but it doesn't land quite right, considering how gross his friends find his sexuality.
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"The fact that defendant was engaging in a different sexual act at the time the encounter was interrupted (namely, 'dry humping') does not foreclose the inference that he intended, ultimately, to rape," wrote Judge Franklin Elia in an unanimous opinion.
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It was impressive enough that they were taking on Manhattan's less-than-forgiving real estate market; doubly so when one considers the risks of humping it in a cultural scene in which the security of cinema has long been imperiled.
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In fact, elsewhere in town, blue-haired agent of chaos Kai Anderson (Evan Peters) is watching the same news coverage and humping his television in ecstasy before covering his face in Cheeto puree, paying homage to the orange-hued new president-elect.
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By 1995, the Renaissance was in full swing, and it was pretty much mandatory for the soundtracks to be as good as, if not better than, the movies—which led Disney to the crazy air-humping, pelvis-thrusting world of Bobby Brown.
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Maybe it would be an aria scored by somebody joylessly snorting tons of coke and caressing the glitter-checkered flesh of anonymous boys, all to a Patrick Cowley beat at humping tempo with a few lines of Faust recited over the top.
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Then there's the NFL's propaganda-humping for the U.S. military, a project that included the deification of Pat Tillman, a former NFL player who joined the Army and was killed by friendly fire in an incident the military initially tried to cover up.
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Even people who believe in climate change are climate change deniers: you might know,…Read more ReadDuck Gifs Are the Only Gifs With IntegrityGifs lit up Web 1.0 like Las Vegas—the torches, crystal balls, humping muppets, dancing babies,…Read more Read
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She is investigating the millennial forces that bred Fyre Fest, then she's filming an audition tape for reality TV. She is identifying the unjust expectations that weigh on literary heroines like Little Women's Jo March, then she's humping the floor doing barre.
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The record features party songs—at my middle school in Fort Lauderdale, or "Fort Liquordale" as Pitbull calls it, I vividly remember kids humping each other whenever his 2004 single "Culo" played at dances—but Pitbull also discusses crime and the Cuban American experience.
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Richard and Judy campaigned to have the music video banned for "pandering to paedophiles" (despite the fact the whole 80s and 90s had already happened, and nobody complained when Britney was dry humping the air by a school locker in "…Baby One More Time").
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This is a guy who refers to sex as "a little skunky, monkey, funky, trunky, junkie" while humping the air, and can't even say the word "vagina" — it's no shock to the system to think maybe young women aren't lining up for a piece of Vic.
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According to a report by the Los Angeles Times on Sunday, the director and screenwriter — perhaps best known for his 1991 nominated Oscar-nominated screenplay Bugsy starring Warren Beatty and Annette Bening — has been accused of masturbating in front of and dry-humping women, among other acts.
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The space — the naturally cool basement of a Victorian building where she has lived since 1974 — was crowded with long tables stacked with photography books, newsmagazines and other detritus of a life spent, as she said, "humping about" war zones and backwoods, Leica M4 in hand.
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To walk us through this already-bizarre outfit, the campaign page includes several vague, yet inexplicably hilarious videos that show the toys out of context, like the vibrator humping away at nothing in the shorts and responding to voice commands, and the EMS pads in the bra demonstrated on a twitching forearm.
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It's silly to me that Beto spends like half his waking hours hopping on the countertops of coffee shops across Iowa, but—and I assume this is part of the point—I am enjoying the mental image of Trump wheezily humping himself up onto a table at a Ruth's Chris in Ottumwa.
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" Ms. Loesch has emerged as NRATV's most visible host, deriding gun-control advocates as "tragedy-dry-humping whores" and vowing to combat the left with what she called the "clenched fist of truth" — a body part that the comedian John Oliver said was located "a little past the bent elbow of nonsense.
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Reading his book would be a fine way to prepare for a visit to Istanbul, but while actually treading the streets or contemplating the murky waters of the Golden Horn, a traveller would find Ms Hughes's volume a better companion: bulky at over 500 pages but well worth humping up and down the hills.
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You've got a few things working in your favor that the Warriors did not, though: the aforementioned good will from being so bad for so long it bordered on psychological warfare, and also you are not owned by a Silicon Valley, trophy-humping weirdo who thinks he invented having good players and shooting three pointers.
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Has anyone ever so undermined conventional gender expectations more than McCarthy cornering the air marshal played by her husband Ben Falcone on the flight in "Bridesmaids," asking him if he wanted to get back into that restroom and "not rest," her teeth over her bottom lip, her entire body making a strangely chill humping motion?
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For some people, the entire month of December is an over-decorated, ironic sweater-wearing, fa-la-la-la-leg humping of the worst parts of capitalism, the part of the calendar that forces everyone to spend a couple of weeks cosplaying as slightly better versions of themselves, before they go back to being jackholes.
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He brings performative gestures — professional wrestling, ritualized dress-up, dry humping of furniture — into spaces that are imbued with artifice, and in the moment of collision they produce the same feeling as when Jeffrey, the main character of David Lynch's Blue Velvet, finds a severed ear in the woods of his white-picket-fence suburban town.
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When a co-worker rejected her drunken advances at a housewarming party, Sarah had kissed Mitchell with a closed mouth and asked him to sleep over with a forwardness she would later regret when she climbed back into bed after a wave of 3 AM Adderall shits and Mitchell started dry-humping her ass in his sleep.
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Maybe motivated by backlash to frequent emcee Ricky Gervais, maybe nudged by network partner NBC or maybe responding to our divided, touchy political moment, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, in their infinitely curious wisdom, decided to play it safe and sane this year, tapping people-pleasing late night party clown Jimmy Fallon to front the star-humping frivolity.
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The below photo, captured by one Andrew Mock of Kununurra in northern Australia, shows 10 cane toads riding out a storm that dumped nearly 70mm of rain by hitching themselves to the back of an approximately 3.5-meter python, the Guardian reported on Monday, though it seems as though their primary motivation may have been humping it.
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Daniels detailed an evening with Trump in a newly released 2011 interview with In Touch magazine — recounting the night just a year and a half into Trump's marriage to third wife Melania, when the future president allegedly had unprotected sex with the star of adult films including Porking with Pride 2, Good Will Humping and Space Nuts.
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Beck was accused of using the phrase "No doesn't necessarily mean no" during a workplace presentation; Gelb was suspended without pay for two months in December 2018 after multiple people accused him of repeatedly farting on other employees, humping them, and hitting their testicles as a part of what was described as a running workplace gag.
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One more time, in public news, I learned that my ass and vagina were completely exposed outside, my breasts had been groped, fingers had been jabbed inside me along with pine needles and debris, my bare skin and head had been rubbing against the ground behind a dumpster, while an erect freshman was humping my half naked, unconscious body.
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Click here to view original GIFGIF: Pablo Lopez, "Trippy Duck," 2018 (Original uncropped version below)Gifs lit up Web 1.0 like Las Vegas—the torches, crystal balls, humping muppets, dancing babies, mailboxes opening and closing to indicate that you've got mail—all signaling that crimson castles, their divorced dads clubs, and in-browser spaceships were hip and exciting places to be.
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" — was a standout, you can't beat Rory's self-loathing declaration after she reveals to Lorelai that she's having an affair with Logan (despite him being engaged to a French heiress called Odette) and just had a one night stand with a guy in a Chewbacca costume while out reporting on her Lines article: "I'm just a big, fat, wookiee-humping loser with no future.
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Sure, he finds his wife cheating on him with his brother, Keith—which, other than basketball games and humping teenagers, is perhaps the most realistic thing to happen on this show—but in retaliation, he hires probably-a-prostitute-I'm-not-sure to instigate a faux relationship with Keith, build it to the point of marriage, and then jilt him at the altar to humiliate him and crush him forever.
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