If you dream that you are wearing nothing but underpants, try to make them expensive, executive underpants.
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Well, do you remember that South Park underpants gnomes episode with the chart that goes Phase 1: Collect underpants.
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I'm not quite sure who he was, but the only thing he was wearing were his underpants—stained underpants.
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CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS: THE FIRST EPIC MOVIE After hypnotizing their school's principal, two prankster students inadvertently turn him into Captain Underpants, the Jockey-wearing superhero of the comics they've written.
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You would know if this was your underpants, wouldn't you?
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LAUREL GRAEBER Read related coverage of 'Squirrel Stole My Underpants.
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Possibly this is always true of guys in their underpants.
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I don't think Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie should be as good as it is — which is to say, light and breezy and solid early-summertime fun — solely because its name is Captain Underpants.
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Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is in theaters June 2.
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We see London, we see France, we see Kourtney Kardashian's underpants!
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We do not like throwing away our favorite pairs of underpants.
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Toast is survived by her two fur siblings Underpants and Muppet.
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"I once found a pair of Penelope Pitstop underpants," Osmond says.
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"The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants" season 3 (animated children's series)
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I see London, I see France, I see Katy Perry's underpants!
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One wears underpants outside his jeans and guards the pay phone.
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Dav Pilkey: Captain Underpants really started when I was a kid.
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"Like two butt cheeks in a pair of underpants," she quipped.
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According to People, Sturino will retain custody of Toast, Muppet, and Underpants.
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"We don't want your tiny hands," it goes, "anywhere near our underpants."
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Maybe get some sleep or eat chocolate-covered pretzels in your underpants?
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A photo shows him there, lounging on a bed in black underpants.
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The blue underpants clearly invoke the Virgin Mary, as does the veil.
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CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS (SERIES)Written and illustrated by Dav Pilkey The series as a whole was challenged for being perceived as "encouraging disruptive behavior," and "Captain Underpants and the Sensational Saga of Sir Stinks-A-Lot" was specifically challenged for including a same-sex couple, according to the A.L.A. The book follows two fourth-grade boys, George Beard and Harold Hutchins, and the superhero they invented: Captain Underpants.
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But please do not leave your dirty underpants size XXXL on my grounds!!
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" "One night," she writes, "I woke up to his hand in my underpants.
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" But this one's our absolute favorite: "It tastes like an old lady's underpants.
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Looked down — yesterday's underpants were hanging out of the leg of my jeans.
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This would lead to boom times for costume makers, especially manufacturers of underpants.
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But the word for pants couldn't compete with a term for female underpants.
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"Deceased had no underpants and his blue pants were unzipped," wrote the coroner.
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Because we're seeing them in the scene, and you shouldn't have underpants on.
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I say our neighbors do not want to see him in his underpants.
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Her underpants and nylon stockings, with cut marks, were found in the submarine.
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Other books on the list include the Captain Underpants series by Dav Pilkey.
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Super Undies Pull-On Undies 2.0 act like underpants with potty-training superpowers.
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"The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants" is based on a children's book series.
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Younger kids: Dav Pilkey (The Adventures of Captain Underpants), Beverly Cleary (Beezus and Ramona).
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I see London, I see France, I see a damn good deal on underpants.
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"One day he sent me a picture of himself in underpants," the student recalled.
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Then she paints them in comic-book yellows, greens, or blues, with contrasting underpants.
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I totally bought Hamlet's running around in his underpants for his "antic disposition" scenes.
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Advertise on Hyperallergic with Nectar Ads In 1952, years before she won the Pulitzer Prize for Criticism, art critic Emily Genauer received a pair of rubber underpants in the mail — the kind of underpants babies wore before the advent of disposable diapers.
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The golden undies not only brought us laughs but spawned a new nickname: Captain Underpants.
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When she woke up, she was wearing only her underpants and a man's T-shirt.
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Enraptured hipsters snap up everything from mousepads to underpants emblazoned with its dated 1980s design.
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I didn't even make it to a 1st kyu grading in my skid-marked underpants.
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How much could "Captain Underpants" have been made for with unknowns doing the voice work?
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Perhaps they should give up on the puckering, and wear a pair of lucky underpants.
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I'll miss napping in you and barfing in you and misplacing my underpants in you.
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Mother and children sat around the table, Finn wearing a T-shirt and Stormtrooper underpants.
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He directed the third graders toward their favorite reading: Captain Underpants, Goosebumps, Bunnicula, Bad Kitty.
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GUTFELD: Hey, Juan, after the rain, the field looks soggier than a truck driver&aposs underpants.
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In second place at the box office is DreamWorks Animation's Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie.
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But while she's seen Paris, and she's seen France — Kemsley definitely hasn't seen Erika Girardi's underpants!
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A young woman in salmon-pink underpants douses her face in water, washing up before bedtime.
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The only way we could pay off student loans was because I booked an underpants ad?
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During his promotional rounds for Captain Underpants the subject of kids and their names came up.
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Jake's roommate, wearing only underpants and cowboy boots, is talking on the phone with his girlfriend.
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I think of a pimply faced 14-year-old in his underpants sitting on his computer.
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In Florida, examiners collect underwear, while in Washington, they request a survivor's underpants; in Louisiana, panties.
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He got up, pulled on his underpants, his sweater and jeans, and went to the bathroom.
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An on-court investigation into underpants also took place before a boys' doubles match on Wednesday.
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It's a little more work but way less icky than soaking your underpants in the hotel sink.
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The first of those chaplains was Father Devoy, the one who Sally said pulled down her underpants.
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The first sip tastes like your grandmother's underpants but after the second sip, you're ordering two more.
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Men wore thong-like loincloths, similar to sumo-wrestlers' competition belts, but underpants for women were rare.
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What's the criminal equivalent of that "crowded high school cafeteria wearing nothing but my underpants" stress dream?
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Performing the bulk of the scene in his underpants, Richard Fleeshman is a revelation in the part.
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But, dude, if your mom is washing your underpants at 24, you have officially failed to launch.
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In recent years, the military started providing better gear, essentially Kevlar underpants, to protect the pelvic area.
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"The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants" is much funnier — and better — than its mediocre name would suggest.
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Yet, compared to "Get Out's" production budget of less than $5 million, "Captain Underpants" still seems positively extravagant.
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"Sometimes crew members changed into their uniforms at work and somebody had apparently forgotten their underpants," Leno continues.
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If he felt like going for a run, he stripped off his pants and went in his underpants.
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It is clothing considered from the bottom up — one if its founding garments was a pair of underpants.
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In reality there were no theatrics, no crying, just me examining a disappointing hole in my favorite underpants.
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Previous attempts to blow up synagogues or America-bound planes with printer-cartridges and booby-trapped underpants were botched.
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As reported by the site, Sturino will take custody of Toast, while Ostrovsky will presumably take Underpants and Muppet.
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Otherwise, the only people getting an iPhone X on November 3rd were shopping online at 3AM in their underpants.
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I thought back to my white cotton underpants that night at the Crowne Plaza, and I giggled to myself.
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The see-through look was paired with a trusty-pair of high-waisted underpants and simple black heeled sandals.
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But men are allowed to age, just like men are allowed to wear underpants in outer space, I assume.
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I was a thirty-year-old woman, having her underpants laid out for her as part of her job.
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They threw me on the floor, pulled my underpants down and tried to attach the wires to my genitals.
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Since then, books such as the "Harry Potter" series and "The Adventures of Captain Underpants" have made the list.
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At one point, he wears only an Iron Maiden T-shirt and a pair of damp and saggy underpants.
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One of the girls making the allegations says she was 14 -- and Moore was 32 -- during an encounter in which she says Moore stripped to his white underpants, took off her clothes and touched her through her bra and underpants and led her hand toward his genitals, before she pulled her hand away.
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There's even a paper doll component, featuring red leather drop-crotch pants and a tiny pair of Calvin Klein underpants.
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Weighing in at 159lbs, Minter, in Union Jack underpants and baby blue flat cap, was the bookies favourite to win.
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Men sometimes stick stuff down their underpants, but I can't really go around grabbing every other dude by the nuts.
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I knew that the only other underpants I had were my own Hanes Her Way comfort briefs, so I panicked.
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"We were prepared to die for the Motherland, but not in those underpants," Ms. Alexievich recalled the woman telling her.
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That's why I have one pair of shoes, two pairs of pants, one style of socks, one style of underpants.
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Is she the culprit, or is it the man in glasses, also wearing only underpants, straddling him, scissors in hand?
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We learn about the New Deal when government workers arrive in fedoras and ridiculous Bermuda shorts that look like underpants.
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His characters work themselves into each other's hearts and minds as devotedly as they work themselves into each other's underpants.
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They added that a rapist would not have cut her underpants — he would have ripped them or pulled them off.
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A little girl once whispered in my ear that she preferred calling her underpants "privacy shorts" because this sounded fancier.
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This sounds like a good idea -- until you have that one where you show up to work in your underpants.
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The new ad campaign, appearing now, features models in their underpants, just as many of Mr. Klein's most provocative did.
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Turns out Shawn Mendes would pay for a pair of Justin Bieber's underpants — but he'd only go as high as $500.
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A closer look reveals the figure is posed exactly like Adam in the painting, with added underpants and Darth Vader helmet.
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"I don't run my house, my wife does," jokes Hart in a new interview for his upcoming animated film, Captain Underpants.
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I lifted up my dress and showed my underpants when they tried to get the picture of me in the crown.
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Some were shown in photographs stripped to their underpants and handcuffed on the floors of police buses and a sports hall.
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I remember thinking, I know this might seem funny to you, Ali, but I am the one with the wrong underpants.
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The two men noticed something unusual: "There, on top of the sack of potatoes, was a pair of underpants," he remembers.
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Clothes, food and equipment were scattered throughout, and socks, shirts and underpants still hung on a washing line on the terrace.
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The unglazed ceramic humans, animals, shoes and underpants that compose Sally Saul's long overdue New York solo debut seem gleefully macabre.
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Another day, we were in a bookstore and he wanted me to buy four new Dog Man and Captain Underpants books.
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She had tried wearing three pairs of underpants or especially tight shorts — anything to keep Dr. Nassar's fingers from probing her.
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Mr. Turner strips down to his underpants, hands his oldest boy the pile of clothes, and gives us all a nod.
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And they all wear them under their skirts and dresses when they compete, as opposed to the frilly underpants of yesteryear.
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If your child would be amused by seeing the word "underpants" in the name of a movie, this one will entertain.
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Visually oriented kids love the heavily illustrated style, antic humor and nonstop adventure of this spinoff of the Captain Underpants series.
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My 4-year-old fell asleep on my chest last night as I was reading him "Captain Underpants," which he loved.
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Her body is as slender as a grass snake's, and she sheds clothes — leggings, T-shirts, underpants — as if she were molting.
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First things first, you're going to want to always have an arsenal of proper underpants for whatever look you're planning to wear.
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I've put notes… Posted by Sarah Nathan on Friday, March 18, 2016 This cat burglar has found her niche: Men's underpants snatching.
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He touched her over her bra and underpants, she told the Post, and guided her hand to touch him over his underwear.
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To get the best angle and show the most skin, she needed to pull her underpants to the side, Mr. Lubin said.
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"I'm 6-2, and I was 200 then," the model said, seeming at ease while clad in nothing but Parke & Ronen underpants.
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I remember walking through a corridor filled with men who had been stripped to their underpants with their hands cuffed behind them.
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To their own surprise, they manage to turn him into a kind-hearted (if extremely dim-witted) caped crusader known as Captain Underpants.
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Kinobody created a clothing brand in 2018 that is tailored to highlight one's physique with an array of fitted shirts, underpants and sweats.
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The painting is of a girl sitting at the bottom of some steps with her legs spread, and you can see her underpants.
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The only other major release this weekend was Fox's "Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie" which will take in $603 million from 260,2000.
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"Sticking £10,000 down your underpants and flying to Zurich is still quite a common and easy way to launder money," says Mr McGuire.
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There's no mistaking Captain Underpants as anything other than a kids' movie, but it looks like one adults might secretly dig as well.
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The only other major release this weekend was Fox's "Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie" which will take in $2217 million from 260,2000.
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Since relocating to the U.S., the team went back to the drawing board and redesigned their underpants to align more with American tastes.
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In her memoir, she writes that she woke up to his hand in her underpants, and he then placed her hand inside his.
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The painting, an homage to a Francis Bacon homage to a famed Velázquez portrait, showed a smiling, seated Pope with his underpants exposed.
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She remembers that Moore kissed her, that he took off her pants and shirt, and that he touched her through her bra and underpants.
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A pair of underpants believed to have belonged to Hitler's wife, Eva Braun, sold for £3,700 ($4,620) at an auction in Britain in September.
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We're not interested in who gives money to whose political campaign, or whether a sexual predator is revealed to wear blue or red underpants.
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After all, if The Times didn't tell me about the soaring popularity of granny underpants, monocles in Brooklyn and dyed armpit hair, who would?
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These leggings are well made, and will not show underpants, even when you bend over," wrote reviewer Brittany B. "This is my 3rd pair!
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Google, Niantic (and again, Apple) have it figured out, but startups in the space must avoid phase 215 of the Underpants Gnomes' business model.
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I mean the name Captain Underpants — that suggests booger and vomit and fart jokes, and even as a child, I was unmoved by them.
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Unofficial screenings of movies like "The Emoji Movie" and "Captain Underpants" were hosted in the country to mark the ban's removal earlier this year.
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By then, he has exchanged the sharp suits he sported during his rise to power for a corset, a neck brace and his underpants.
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The incident of the rubber underpants is an example of the sexism that pervaded the 1950s art world, and, specifically, the Abstract Expressionist movement.
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He ended up having to plead guilty only to invasion of privacy and one count of second-degree burglary — for the theft of her underpants.
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In remarks that were speckled with her signature innuendo — "my underpants happen to say feminist on the butt," she quipped — Ms. Dunham said that Mrs.
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And just so you know, there's more ways than one to get a costume wrong — even if it already has the underpants on the outside.
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Despite being inspired by Adam and Eve, diners will be given "paper underpants" to cover up their bits and pieces after they've removed their clothes.
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It's about a guy who runs around in his underpants and a cape, and it features a cereal box prize hypno-ring that really works.
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And though they have their admirers, it's hard to see The Lego Batman Movie, aimed squarely at Batfans, or Captain Underpants racking up many votes.
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According to Lillyman, Gugliemelli suggested eventually he take off his shirt, flex, and even strip down to his underpants in order to get into character.
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Dav Pilkey is the creator of Captain Underpants, the unlikely superhero who has helped a generation of children jump — irreverently — into the world of reading.
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Later came grad school, Sweet 'n Low, Datsun 240Zs, Tab, thong underpants and free love — it was clear: Life had been lovingly fashioned around us.
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His resignation in 2011 came in the wake of a scandal that arose from him accidentally posting a close-up of his underpants on Twitter.
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"I have burnt the unlucky underpants, so they are now out of the way," Palmer said in a team preview for the Hungarian Grand Prix.
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The Naked Cowboy, a street musician who's lately taken to wearing Trump underpants, boards an elevator; Senator Heidi Heitkamp squeezes into the car with him.
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Currently an iPhone or Android handset can direct its owner to the shops, but not inside them, let alone to the nearest pair of blue underpants.
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One of the screenings was a double-feature of The Emoji Movie and Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie in the city of Jeddah, Reuters reports.
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Not only does he play a pretty racy (and shirtless...and sweaty) role on Kingdom, Nick stripped down to his underpants for a Flaunt magazine spread.
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It was pretty late at night and mostly empty, so I just took a shower, cleaned up after me and continued to squat in clean underpants.
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One was just 14 years old when, she alleges, Moore -- stripped to his underpants -- touched her intimately and tried to get her to touch his genitals.
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She walked, then ran, and one fateful year she kept her pull-up dry for the whole trip in exchange for the promise of princess underpants.
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The second look included a gold-and-crystal sequin bra top with an "S" at the chest, a matching bolero, and high-waisted underpants with fringe.
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With each book, they add on 212 new levels of essential additions, such as rocket-powered carrot-launchers, a fighting-robot arena and an Underpants Museum.
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LONDON (Reuters) - Renault Formula One driver Jolyon Palmer says he has torched his 'unlucky underpants' as he seeks a change of fortune in Hungary next week.
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Though they never talked about sex, Angela, who later compared Olive to the mother in "Portnoy's Complaint," recalled that Olive would sniff her daughter's discarded underpants.
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According to the report, Moore touched Leigh Corfman, then 14, over her bra and underpants when he was 32 and serving as an assistant district attorney.
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The greatest children's book series, bar none, is about two elementary school pranksters who hypnotize their principal into becoming the semi-nude caped crusader, Captain Underpants.
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Anyway, during their meeting, Jon's lower half is covered only by a tight-fitting pair of underpants, so Ponch flinches when Jon goes in for a hug.
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Mahershala Ali, Alex Hibbert, Ashton Sanders, and Trevante Rhodes appear in the newest Calvin Klein campaign, wearing everything from the brand's iconic underpants to crisp, classic undershirts.
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After landing on North Sentinel in mid-November wearing only black underpants — Mr. Chau thought that would make the islanders feel more comfortable — he struggled to communicate.
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I can see the tree that cast your lawn in deep shade when you were wearing a linen dress, a string of seed pearls, and no underpants.
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"We go to the Regency and Redd Foxx opens the door in a robe and underpants sticking out," Mr. Willner said, slipping into a Redd Foxx imitation.
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She is no sylph, no ingénue, yet there she is in nothing but a pair of purple underpants, exulting in her physicality as an audience looks on.
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Pictures released in the aftermath of the coup showed some suspected coup plotters - including high-ranking military officers - stripped to their underpants, handcuffed and their faces bruised.
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During the second, she said Moore removed his clothes, took off her shirt and pants, and touched her over her bra and underpants, according to the Post.
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In 1949, the American Gertrude Moran (known as Gorgeous Gussie) scandalized the tournament by wearing white underpants with lace trim that was visible under her short skirt.
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The evidence includes red underpants worn by the attacker and a saliva-stained bra worn by the victim, as well as socks, shoes and possible semen samples.
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During the summer, they come to this tiny branch in Elmwood Place, a village in greater Cincinnati, for "Captain Underpants," air-conditioning and, lately, a hot meal.
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Little arrived to find Corbally sitting in a brown leather Barcalounger in white underpants, wearing several gold chains around his neck that he used as good luck charms.
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Funny Is Fine: Some parents wrestle with letting their kids read Captain Underpants, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and other edgy humor books about kids getting in trouble.
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"I have had my films quoted back at me by someone rifling through my underpants, and been asked for selfies by someone swabbing me for explosives" he writes.
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Shay Mitchell celebrated three million YouTube subscribers in a very daring way – she ran near-naked through Hollywood, California, wearing nothing but some underpants and a unicorn mask.
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After all, what could be more empowering than walking through a worst-case scenario, than doing so heavily armed, surrounded by friends, belching and farting in your underpants?
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Mr. Fennelly, 43, is a freelance theater director, whose recent credits include a revival of "The Underpants" at Guild Hall in East Hampton, N.Y., which closed last month.
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Dav Pilkey's beloved book series about two kids who hypnotize their school principal into thinking he's an underwear-slinging superhero finally gets its movie due with "Captain Underpants."
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He covered her head with a pillowcase, wrapped nylon stockings around her mouth and eyes, bound her hands behind her back, cut open her underpants and raped her.
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He played the "bad boy," making "bad" paintings of himself, for instance, "Untitled (Ohne Titel)" (1988), in which he presents himself as grossly overweight in giant white underpants.
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In the distance is a man sitting on a couch, and the pattern on the underpants and the pattern on the wall behind the man's head are the same.
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While WB's Wonder Woman success is likely to overshadow all other box office stories this weekend, newcomer Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie merits a shout-out as well.
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The mode aligns cognitively with the image of thousands of women and men in their underpants, belching, farting, and scratching themselves as they slaughter digital representations of one another.
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On another visit to his home, she claims Moore took off her pants and shirt, as well as his own clothes, and touched her over her underpants and bra.
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I needed a gi but had been going to class every Saturday in a T-shirt tucked into a pair of white Marks and Sparks underpants with skid-marks.
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Because "Buruma" sounds a bit like the word "bloomers" in Japanese, at least one acquaintance — Hijikata Tatsumi, the father of Butoh dance — called him Underpants or, for short, Pants.
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"There was a feeling of permanent control, ranging from regular checks of their clothes closets, to making sure that underpants were being worn beneath their pajamas," the report said.
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The new moon is that friend who always answers our texts, reminds us to pack an extra pair of underpants, and never leaves the house without Advil and band-aids.
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Here she is a sexy goofball girl-next-door photographed against cheap motel curtains by Terry Richardson, unaccountably lending innocence to the scene though clad in just underpants and bra.
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During the second, she said Moore removed his clothes, took off her shirt and pants, and touched her over her bra and underpants, according to the account in the newspaper.
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Landing in third overall, "Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie" from Fox should take in an additional $12.3 million from 3,529 locations — that's only a 48% drop from last weekend.
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"Man, this Hart family sure does look good," the Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie star says in the clip, which uses a roses filter and provides a sexy background track.
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Then he would send pictures of himself as a young man, and finally he would send sexual comments or a photo of himself wearing only underpants, or of his exposed genitals.
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He touched her over her bra and underpants, she says, and guided her hand to touch him over his underwear "I wanted it over with — I wanted out," she remembers thinking.
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There are feckless owners and overmatched front offices, still; there are the Sacramento Kings, and they will always be with us, accidentally setting fire to their underpants every 12 hours forever.
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He ordered her to take off her clothes, and she said she stripped to her underwear and massaged him as he masturbated and used a vibrator on her, over her underpants.
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Jean-Paul Sartre said hell was other people, but really it's other people's stretchy shorts slipping down to expose billows of white flesh cinched by the waistband of their designer underpants.
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If that's the case, then Captain Underpants is a candy bar you toss in your grocery cart at the last minute — a tasty little bite after you're done with everything else.
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It may seem equally bizarre that my dad's sweater is tucked into his trousers but since he also tucked his shirt into his underpants, an internally layered logic is at work.
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Movie release date: June 225 Like Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is the first in what Dreamworks Animation hopes will be a long and fruitful series.
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The Victoria's Secret Angels have seen London and they've seen France — and now, they're heading to China to walk (in their underpants) in the first ever Victoria's Secret fashion show in Shanghai.
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On one occasion when they met, he allegedly also took her to his home, undressed, touched her over her bra and underpants, and then tried to get her to touch his penis.
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The Mexican showman spazzed out to electroclash beats while gradually stripping down to nothing but his red underpants, mustache and bowl cut and shouting things at crowd that are better left untranslated.
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Of course, if you're going to have sex with another vagina-haver, we suggest you remember that aforementioned queer girl etiquette and touch base with your partner before venturing into their underpants.
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It's the type of male mind that sees women as goals to be conquered, rather than autonomous individuals, and believes that manipulated suitably, all women will want to see inside your underpants.
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It was Mr. Asiri who sewed a bomb into the underpants of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who tried to detonate the device on an American airliner approaching Detroit on Christmas Day in 2009.
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The woman said Moore took off his clothes as well as her shirt and pants, touching her over her bra and underwear and guiding her hand to touch him over his underpants.
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But though Still's letters to male critics were petulant and delusional, at least he used his words, as kindergarten teachers implore angry kids to do, instead of bullying them with rubber underpants.
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France previously took Davidson shopping for a date with ex Cazzie David as a companion piece for SNL, and they got close very quickly – after France happened to notice holes in Davidson's underpants.
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It may be quicker to arrive with the guest's order, and, maybe most importantly for the sluggards amongst us, it probably won't recoil when guests answer the door dressed only in their underpants.
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Standing in his underpants and a hat, the 6′ 5″ former player had around 50 sensors stuck around his body to measure impact and pressure on his bones as he made a tackle.
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Thankful for every single moment, thankful for each financial sacrifice I made that brought me there and finally thankful that I had the somewhat mystical foresight to pack a spare pair of underpants.
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Read: The "Captain Underpants" series and 10 other titles made the American Library Association's annual list of the "most challenged" books, those that community members tried to get removed from schools and libraries.
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Among the notables this year: "Ferris" (the Dodgers' Walker Buehler), "Last Name" (the Giants' Derek Holland), "Not Justin" (the Indians' Shane Bieber), "Spaghetti" (the Rangers' Eddie Butler) and "Underpants" (the Giants' Hunter Pence).
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It was Mr. al-Asiri who sewed a bomb into the underpants of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who tried to detonate the device on an American airliner approaching Detroit on Christmas Day in 2009.
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"People would go to quite extreme lengths to get into our personal space or to our underpants," the pop-rock icon – currently on tour with Duran Duran for the Paper Gods tour – tells PEOPLE.
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Williamson told CNN the unknown male DNA originally found in the crotch of JonBenet's underpants matched or "was consistent" with the unknown male DNA that was found on the waistband of the long johns.
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It features two kids named George Beard and Harold Hutchins, two fourth-graders in Ohio who accidentally hypnotize their school principal into becoming Captain Underpants, a superhero from the comic books they write together.
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They featured a sauna, ice fishing, Kalsarikännit (a Finnish word for 'getting drunk at home alone in your underpants with no intention of going out') and, of course, a Nokia 3310 to demonstrate resilience.
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Pleasing everyone is hard enough when being larger than life makes you physically unrelatable; it's even harder when your entire appeal comes from your immense destructive power and a joke index from Captain Underpants.
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Pilkey is the big-hearted genius behind Captain Underpants, and his watercolor art for this more tender series has regular dollops of the emotional depth he can find in even the goofiest plot turn.
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Pictures on social media showed detained soldiers stripped to the waist, some wearing only their underpants, handcuffed and lying packed together on the floor of a sports hall where they were being held in Ankara.
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Sam's habit of embarrassing his nosy neighbor has become somewhat of a running gag on the series, with the music legend dancing around the house in his underpants a few weeks back, much to Mrs.
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In two of those attempts—the 2009 underpants bomb plot, and the 2010 printer-cartridge bomb plot—his devices were successfully smuggled through airport security, before either failing to explode or being discovered and disarmed.
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Although other papers have found a correlation between lower sperm counts and tight underwear, this was the first to report a relationship between one of the hormones involved in sperm production and choice of underpants.
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I asked the nurse if I could go to the bathroom while I was waiting for the OB-GYN resident, but in the stall, my crimson stained underpants caused panic to wash back through me.
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The summary should have read "Time travelers try to save their headmistress" — not "Boys and their principal fight evil," which was a reduplicated summary for Dav Pilkey's "Captain Underpants," another series on the same list.
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"Captain Underpants" series, written and illustrated by Dav Pilkey This book made the list because it includes a same-sex couple, which those calling for the ban perceived as encouraging disruptive behavior, the ALA said.
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The palette embraces purples, from berries to bruises, but even in the unnerving scene where Morfie entices Sandy out of the house at night, there's an underpants joke to keep things from becoming too menacing.
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It's a reasonable hope: The Captain Underpants series contains 500 books and 3 spinoffs, has been translated into more than 20 languages, and has sold more than 70 million copies worldwide (50 million in the US.).
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I hated it, and I hated it even more when I discovered it was created in partnership with Kidz Bop and Jukin Media, the latter of which is the shitstain on the underpants of the internet.
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"Based on the same technology used in astronauts' underpants, they can expand to nearly two times their original size," the narrator explains, as the youngest member of the Thanksgiving Dinner Pants family excitedly pumps his arms.
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" - NetflixAvailable July 19 The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants: Season 313 (2019)"Fourth-grade friends George and Harold have a shared love of pranks and comic books -- and turning their principal into an undies-wearing superhero.
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Boyce and Howard both call for a grassroots movement (the underpants gnome of all dividend arguments), but there is, to my knowledge, no evidence that dividend schemes would elicit much public support, much less a movement.
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Your immense brain, the way you so perfectly articulate your unique thoughts, your propensity for giant underpants and the deep love and loyalty you have for your friends and daughters fill us with joy and inspiration!!
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Read moreReasons, per ALA: The series was challenged because it was perceived as encouraging disruptive behavior, while "Captain Underpants and the Sensational Saga of Sir Stinks-A-Lot" was challenged for including a same-sex couple.
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Ms. Duncan, who wins my vote for inventing the best title ever for a children's production — "Squirrel Stole My Underpants" — has returned to New York to perform this new show with her musical ensemble, the Gottabees.
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During the second encounter, she said Moore removed his clothes, took off her shirt and pants, and touched her over her bra and underpants and guided her hand over his genitals, according to the Post report.
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Pictures on social media showed detained soldiers stripped to the waist, some wearing only their underpants, handcuffed and lying packed together on the floor of a sports hall where they were being held in Ankara, Reuters reported.
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Thousands of members of the armed forces, from foot soldiers to commanders, were rounded up on Sunday, some shown in photographs stripped to their underpants and handcuffed on the floors of police buses and a sports hall.
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Based on the children's book series, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie features the voices of Kevin Hart and Silicon Valley's Thomas Middleditch as two fourth-grade BFFs who hypnotize their overbearing principal (voiced by Ed Helms).
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NAIROBI, March 10 (Thomson Reuters Foundation) - Kenya's first gay music video - swiftly banned by the country's film board - shows a well-toned young man, naked apart from his underpants, leaning over his tattooed male lover in bed.
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The 1997 election, for instance—is there any better way of describing it other than as a victory of the Blairite pizza (prosciutto, capers, truffle oil, sashimi) over the John Major pizza (cheddar and crispy baked underpants)?
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Leicester supporters can also look forward to watching Gary Lineker, a celebrated former player, present Match Of The Day, a BBC football-highlights programme, in his underpants, as he promised to do if they finished as champions.
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"I think it's always amusing to put your underpants on your head," says the father of four to PEOPLE's editor-in-chief Jess Cagle in the latest episode of The Jess Cagle Interview (streaming now on People TV).
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Suzie Hardy, who said Seacrest harassed her, went public with her story Monday, telling Variety that he grabbed her genitals, gave her a "bear hug" while wearing only underpants, and forcefully slapped her buttocks, leaving a red welt.
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"And then the next day, I woke up and I saw blood on my underpants," Port added, saying she wasn't "too alarmed" because spotting in pregnancy can be normal and she had it when she was expecting Sonny.
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One morning in 2010, while filming the movie " Bridesmaids ," I went into my trailer and saw that our wardrobe department had laid out my dress, my earrings, my headband, my shoes, and—last but not least—my underpants.
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But the one that wound up on the front of the mag features the 19-year-old actress in what appears to be a pair of white underpants, staring into the camera lens with her mouth suggestively parted.
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" She credits the rise of the poop emoji and the popularity of Dreamworks's 2017 adaptation of the Captain Underpants comic books for recent acceptance of poop as play: "It normalized the bodily function and made it more mainstream.
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Food has also been long exploited for surrealist sight gags, as in the British artist Sarah Lucas's 1997 "Chicken Knickers," in which she posed with a whole raw chicken, disemboweled and strapped to the front of her underpants.
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His first ad campaign, released in January, presented a few new designs (from the custom By Appointment line) alongside one of the building blocks of Calvin Klein's multi-billion-dollar empire: a plain pair of white cotton underpants.
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On a mission to prove we're not the only ones struggling with keeping our drawers organized and our underpants folded, we talked to four Kondoites from around the world to see how they're holding up over three months later.
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The story centers on an incident that befell a naïve young housewife named Louise Maske, whose underpants somehow slipped down to her ankles as she stood on her toes trying to see the king pass by in a parade.
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If we concentrate on the color scheme, we would notice his use of greens, turquoises, and blues, dominated by the lime green underpants of the bespectacled man lying in front of an Empire-style sofa, clutching his bloody chest.
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Normally appearing on Match of the Day in sharp Italian suits, Mr. Lineker presented the show one week last September in underpants — making good on a promise a year earlier to strip if Leicester City won the Premier League.
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Ms. Duncan, who last appeared in this Queens location in the fall with the irresistibly titled "Squirrel Stole My Underpants," once again enacts a tale about Sylvie, an enterprising child whose animal co-star is this time a bird.
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In other words, it takes a special kind of asshole to go out of his way to buy a pair of rubber underpants and put them in the mail with a caustic little note implying Genauer's writing is shit.
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We are spending so much time riddling out whether we can trust robots to represent us or sell us underpants, whether these images are robots at all, whether the people behind them can be trusted, whether any of it matters.
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Otherwise, the sequels Kingsman: The Golden Circle and Alien: Covenant vastly underperformed, while Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, Snatched, The Mountain Between Us, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul, Ferdinand, and A Cure for Wellness all bombed.
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That contrasts with most other attacks on civil aviation since 703/11—the 2001 shoe-bomb plot; the 2006 liquid-bomb plot; the 2009 underpants-bomb plot; and the 2010 cargo-bomb plot—all of which sought to outsmart screening technologies.
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During an appearance to The Ellen DeGeneres Show set to air on Wednesday, Kim and Ellen DeGeneres got talking about an August Instagram post that the reality star shared, featuring her baking in the kitchen wearing only a bra and underpants.
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A rack of books is strategically placed at eye level for children, featuring "Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late" by Mo Willems, "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" by Judi and Ron Barrett, and volumes from the "Captain Underpants" series.
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What they do notice is the endless parade of perfect male imagery in front of them, across screens and billboards and magazine pages, too: broad shoulders beneath chiseled jawlines; six-pack abs above bulging genitals hiding beneath tight shorts or underpants.
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" Or this, near the end of the book, as the victims are herded into Mitch's living room: "Linda in her underpants, her big T-shirt—she must have thought that as long as she was quiet and polite, she'd be fine.
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"Tiny Hands" was made in collaboration with TV composer Michael Whalen and is a short, simple chant of "we don't want your tiny hands anywhere near our underpants" (apparently recorded by Apple over the phone) accompanied by piano and drums.
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But audiences at the Edinburgh Festival are lapping up a light-hearted sung comedy version, "Brexit The Musical", a sellout featuring a cavorting Boris Johnson, the most prominent Brexit campaigner, in matching Union Jack underpants and socks, looking for a lost plan.
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The film sees Jumanji's Kevin Hart and Silicon Valley's Thomas Middleditch voice best friends and devoted pranksters George and Harold, who hypnotize their mean elementary school principal Mr. Krupp (Ed Helms) into thinking he's Captain Underpants, a hero from a comic book.
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BEIRUT (Reuters) - Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi's underpants were obtained by an undercover source and DNA tested to prove his identity before an operation by U.S. forces to kill him, an advisor to the Syrian Democratic Forces said on Monday.
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Ms. Sullivan said that on that night in 19993, at Emma Willard School, she had been bound and gagged with her own underpants in the apartment of a history teacher with whom she was involved in a relationship, and then anally raped.
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In some cases, this involved what came to be called the "nude parade," as each woman appeared, underpants down, before a panel of doctors; in others, it involved women's lying on their backs and pulling their knees to their chest for closer inspection.
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This did mean, however, that after we broke up I could be brought to tears by such unlikely songs as Clancy Eccles' "I Really Love You Fatty Fatty", Nora Dean's "Barbed Wire In His Underpants" or anyone discussing the Chronicles of Narnia.
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"One of the things we do best at Scholastic Book Fairs is help kids discover those breakthrough books — books like Harry Potter, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Because of Winn-Dixie, Captain Underpants, and Wonder," says Alan Boyko, president of Scholastic Book Fairs.
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Beyond antiques, his appetites extended to decorating and design books, which he stacked in hip-high zigzags, gag props (enormous pairs of underpants and black wigs), Turnbull & Asser shirts (why launder when you can buy more?) and newspaper and magazine clippings about himself.
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The video,premiering below, is a mostly female production, with cast and and crew pulling double duty in front of and behind the camera, all accomplished in little more than their underpants in order to encourage a safe space for free, multi-faceted expression.
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The farther of the two, a shirtless man in his underpants bends over, adjusting his striped knee socks, while the other, in a red jacket and white pants, is facing the viewer from the right edge of the picture, snapping his fingers and dancing.
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The Checkup Did you conscientiously buy dolls for your son and trucks for your daughter, or did you try to avoid the whole thing and give them both gender-neutral artisanal wooden objects, only to be shanghaied by the princess industry and superhero underpants?
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Through an unlikely chain of events, they hypnotize Krupp into believing he's Captain Underpants, the superhero they've written a number of comics about, then have to keep him from doing serious harm to himself and/or others by attempting to carry out his super-exploits.
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RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - Carnival festivities took over Rio de Janeiro on Saturday, as revelers danced and drank at block parties with names like "fire in the underpants," despite an extended crime wave in the city and a spike in yellow fever cases throughout Brazil.
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The mailing of the underpants was just one of Still's many temper tantrums in response to critics who failed to see that his works were "not paintings in the usual sense, [but] life and death, merging in fearful union," as he pretentiously characterized them.
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Ostrovsky and Sturino married in 2014 and are the proud parents of three furry pups: Underpants, a Japanese chin, Muppet, a Cavalier King Charles, and Toast, another King Charles who boasts 370,000 Instagram followers and, like her sister Muppet, a tongue that won't stay in her mouth.
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In the opening scene of the very first episode of "Breaking Bad," Walt is seen climbing out of the RV in just his white underpants to retrieve his shirt while Jesse is passed out in the passenger seat and two dead bodies lay on the floor.
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Theater | Long Island A German flag with a barely noticeable strip of lace added to its bottom serves as a stage curtain at the beginning of "The Underpants," a comedy adapted by Steve Martin from a German farce by Carl Sternheim, at Guild Hall in East Hampton.
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The story of Captain Underpants, based on the popular kids books by Dav Pilkey, follows two elementary school pranksters named George (Kevin Hart) and Harold (Thomas Middleditch), whose only goal in life is to avoid being sent to different classrooms by the authoritarian Principal Krupp (Ed Helms).
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Many avid readers between the ages of 19703 and 12 have already gone through the Captain Underpants, Dog Man and Wimpy Kid books, everything by Raina Telgemeier, Shannon Hale and LeUyen Pham's "Real Friends" and "Best Friends," the Dork Diaries and the 13-Story Treehouse books.
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"[I]f you aren't sure about the fertilized status of your used tampons, panty liners, or indefinitely ruined underpants, place them in a 4x6 bubble envelope and mail them to the office of Governor Greg Abbott for testing," reads a screenshot of the original post from an unidentified person.
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And so you get the gist of the loop I enter when I play The Division: I'm awed by craftsmanship, disturbed by the setting, distracted by gunplay, and jolted by somebody in their underpants a hundred miles away passing explosive gas, triggering some intangible renewal of the cycle.
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For some reason, there aren't a ton of reviews of silk underwear for men out there (maybe we're still not all that comfortable with our sexuality in 2019 after all), but Underwear Expert, the online authority in all things underpants, regularly features Derek Rose in their editorial section.
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The light pink frock was designed by the Belgian-born Raf Simons, newly an immigrant to the United States, who summoned up the considerable skills developed during his tenure at Dior to create a couture-quality gown for a label best known for producing American sportswear and underpants.
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" Even the businessman who wears women's underpants under his suit, she said, "maybe especially him," though Ms. Sidibe was most moved by the soldiers calling from Afghanistan wanting to talk to someone who wasn't, she said, "the person they were lonely for, because it only made them lonelier.
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Giz gave a smart and hilarious group of writers a platform to blog about almost anything through the lens of technology, including cults, bad science, the politician-robot cabal, hating CES, liking CES, drought, smells, underpants, the future(s), and oh—oh, yeah, phones and VR and headphones and gadgets.
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Ready Player One ends (spoiler!) with Wade winning the contest, the fortune, and control of the OASIS, passing the scepter of its corporate monarchy from Halliday to his most obsessed fan, which solves everything in a way that can only be described as Phase 2 of the Underpants Gnomes business plan.
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" Included in the curricula are how to exit a car (with legs together, at the same time), which words to cut from her vocabulary (for example, "pants" — which mean "underpants" in the U.K.), the appropriate way to address European nobility of different rank, and even the "softening" of her "American twang.
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The 34-year-old, who welcomed her fourth child with husband Alec Baldwin, 60, in May, posted a video to Instagram Thursday of a workout "EVERYONE MUST DO." In the clip, Hilaria can be seen lying on the ground with her legs in the air while wearing a T-shirt and underpants.
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From random celebrity cameos to important discussions about Justin Bieber's underpants, here are some of the highlights... Alongside the outrageous harmonies and the entertaining segment where James Corden learns how to sing in a gravelly "Fighter" voice (0:30), Christina Aguilera's episode also features a surprise guest appearance from Melissa McCarthy (2:13).
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After stripping to his underpants and urinating in the dressing room bin, the transformation begins: a hearty glug of Buckfast, a bump of ketamine, the adorning of a shiny silver codpiece, the lard as hair gel run thick through his greasy locks, and the deep-red lipstick smeared on as face paint.
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They certainly consistently cost less than the biggest franchise blockbusters, but they are still eye-poppingly expensive: So some Hollywood execs cheered to hear that last weekend's "Captain Underpants" cost "only" $38 million to make and made $24 million in its first weekend (beating out Pirates in its 2nd week of release).
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The Washington Post reported that, in early 1979, Mr. Moore, then a district attorney and later the chief justice of the state Supreme Court, had approached a 14-year-old, eventually kissing her, undressing her, touching her over her bra and underpants, and guiding her hand to touch him over his underwear.
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On this week's podcast, Franken discusses his new book; Thomas E. Ricks talks about "Churchill and Orwell: The Fight for Freedom"; Dav Pilkey on the movie adaptation of "Captain Underpants" and more; Alexandra Alter has news from the literary world; and Gregory Cowles, Parul Sehgal and John Williams on what people are reading.
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While she has not yet opted for denim underpants, this season's hottest and most baffling trend, Gomez's festival style has been consistently on point this weekend — her friend Raquelle Stevens shared a photo of the two jetting to the festival, where Gomez was wearing a loose, backless grey jumpsuit accented with blingy gold jewelry.
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This film is a veritable bouquet of capital-p Problems: the fat jokes, the ass close-ups, the marriage obsession, the dreamy bad boy who breaks her heart, the dreamy rich guy who makes it all better, that part where her whole life almost falls apart because she can't choose between her own underpants.
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When things get hot in Los Angeles, a smart girlfriend of one of the mobsters power-packs, grabbing money first, then clothes, shoes, birth-control pills, sunglasses, "and a bunch of bras and underpants from Victoria's Secret," tossing it all in the back of her boyfriend's Cadillac Escalade before taking off for Sin City.
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Auckland Journal AUCKLAND, New Zealand — The families lined up at the theater above a shopping mall here in New Zealand's biggest city and filed past posters for Stephen King's "It" and "Captain Underpants" for a film unlike any they had ever seen — the Disney hit "Moana," translated into the indigenous language of New Zealand.
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The film, based on Dav Pilkey's book series, is about two friends, George (voiced by Kevin Hart) and Harold (Thomas Middleditch), who spend their spare time pulling pranks and creating D.I.Y. comic books about Captain Underpants, a superhero whose outfit boldly acknowledges that many superhero costumes in fact are little more than fancy undies.
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In addition to being attacked for their potty-mouthed humor, the "Captain Underpants" books have come under scrutiny because they are full of children playing tricks and disobeying and generally creating havoc; again, as with Junie B. Jones and her big mouth, there is this strange sense that children need stories about obedient model children.
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Let's be real: you're never too old to enjoy a book about an underwear-clad superhero who fights talking robot toilets (to name just one of the series' memorable villains.) But behind the series' potty humor (pun intended), Captain Underpants also carries a more mature comedic sensibility, with characters frequently breaking the fourth wall to tell jokes.
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Fiona Apple's and the Cold War Kids' recent entries in the protest music canon — the "Tiny Hands" chant ("We don't want your tiny hands anywhere near our underpants") and "Locker Room Talk" ("Dirt in your mouth / mic on the sleeve / we all heard how it sounded"), respectively — reflect this ad hominem approach to protesting the Trump presidency.
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But I use the singular they all the time now — as well as other nonbinary pronouns — because the absence of a gender nonspecific singular pronoun in English really does present a problem, not just for transgender folks but for all people who feel that every word out of their mouths need not necessarily reveal the mysteries of their underpants.
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Trans women have cleverly managed all these generations with no underpants made specifically for them, often by wearing panties designed for cis women, sometimes painfully tucking their genitalia between their legs, sizing down to hold a tuck in place, or wearing two pairs—artful attempts to make something that wasn't made for us work for us.
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Over approximately seven minutes, I drank a water, wondered why every girl in the place thought a push-up bra/corset and underpants with a pair of Skechers was a costume, heard the Killers for the first time, and bummed a cigarette I only took two drags of from a daddy goth who rocked both a sparkly cowboy hat and Shari Lewis's eyelashes.
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He performed a gyrating lap dance for a man in drag posing as a Russian porn star, harkened back to his role in 2012's The Dark Knight Rises by wearing a skin-tight Robin costume over his suit and stripped down to his shirt and underpants as he performed a spot-on impression of friend and collaborator Seth Rogen.
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Advocating feminism "in a mild way," as others had for decades, had failed, and Chinese feminists needed "a more intense way" to achieve their goals, she wrote on Facebook in English to explain a high-profile approach that began in 2012 and has included actions such as appearing in bloodied bridal gowns, occupying men's toilets and wearing giant paper underpants.
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Other marketing stunts by Paddy Power have included the unveiling of a hot-air balloon in the shape of a pair of lucky underpants at the Cheltenham Festival in 2013, and the display of a wax figure of the former Manchester United manager, Alex Ferguson, in a box labeled "In case of emergency break glass," when the soccer club was struggling in 2014.
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Creeped Out: Season 2 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL Super Monsters: Vida's First Halloween — NETFLIX ORIGINAL Super Monsters: Season 3 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL The Spooky Tale of Captain Underpants Hack-a-wee — NETFLIX ORIGINAL Fractured — NETFLIX ORIGINAL Haunted: Season 2 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL Sinister 2 Eli — NETFLIX ORIGINAL In this movie, a young boy struggles with an unknown illness that requires him to live sealed off from the rest of the world.
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Maybe Ms. Prada had the uncertainties of an unregulated gig economy in mind when she designed a collection that was, by turns, handsome and severe (double-breasted cavalry-style greatcoats; boxy jackets; stirrup trousers) and fanciful enough (tailored pajamas and sleeveless sweaters) to suit both "permalancers" marching off to corporate headquarters and those whose work arrangements allow them to slouch around at home in their underpants.
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It's all the rest of the movies released during the season that audiences rejected — movies like The Mummy, The Emoji Movie, Alien: Covenant, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, Baywatch, Snatched, The Dark Tower, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, The House, The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature, Rough Night, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul.
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Indeed, unlike any Dior artistic director who had come before her, Ms. Chiuri acknowledged the entire history of the brand, from Mr. Dior's bar jacket, here shrunken down and remade in cotton with pockets just over the hips to add a bit of curve, to John Galliano's "J'adore Dior" period, remade as "J'ADIOR" on the waistbands of underpants visible beneath the tulle, and on straps of camisoles under bustiers.
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I cut off the buttons and added them to our button jar, a radically impoverished resource compared with my mum's Cadbury Roses tin, which was a vast reservoir of hundreds of buttons with the radius of an LP. Then I tore the shirt into strips and stuffed them into a bag I keep under the sink, where they joined old socks, underpants and the remains of other clothes.
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Dear Diary: A sip oceanic, spiked with sour,salt-skied and sand-grazed, as shivery greengoes the breeze, the seltzery wavesa baby pats, serious in underpants,rain arriving first as fragrance,then as clouds converging like gulls, peach-suited mother wading in,crabs burying their heads, going, goinggoes the ace in the spoke of a bikeon the boardwalk, faster tandemof a dachshund and mistress teeteringhome, unison scream from the Cyclone,arcades of fish a-swim in the fizz,screen dark, as lightning projects its matineeof days-gone-by over the Atlantic.
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Some content examples I saw when testing the app included grainy Halloween party videos; a game reviewer show called Game Guru; a guy driving his car listening to 80s music; a guy soliciting 20,000 sparkles to shave his mustache; a phrase guessing game using emojis as the clues (actually a format created by Hype — which was offering free pizza as a prize); a music band jamming; and a dancing fat man twirling around in only his underpants… Another thing worth noting is that Facebook Live has been opened to outside developers via an API — which should encourage growth of more experimental types of live streaming content on that mainstream social platform.
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Sir Charles Barkley the Frenchie as Bacon Maymo and Friend as Cats Corgnelius and Stumphrey as The Queen and her Corgi Lola the Frenchie Puppy as Donald Trump Menswear Dog as Richie Tenenbaum Norbert as a Pirate Chloe Kardoggian as Wonder Woman Rocco as a Clown Wally the Rabbit as a Unicorn Jiff as Chewbacca Chloe the Mini Frenchie as a Troll Doll Geordi La Corgi as Dr. Who Coby the Cat as Pikachu Atchoum as a Rat Doug the Pug as a Tiger Waffles as Captain America Toast and Underpants as Monsters Grumpy Cat as a Witch Tuna as a Minion Munchkin the Teddy Bear Dog as a Skeleton Samson the Dood as a Lobster
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Here are some of the many useful instruments of a late November day around the Thursday of Thanksgiving: baster, bed, belt, blanket, book, boots, bra, bread board, broom, bus, candlestick, carving knife, cash, cell phone, chair, Clingwrap, coat, coffee maker, colander, comb, computer, deodorant, desk, dishwasher, doorknob, dust pan, envelope, faucet, file folder, garbage can, glass, glasses, gravy boat, hairbrush, hair dryer, hand lotion, jar, key, knife, mouse, mug, notebook, paper, pen, pencil, pie dish, pillow, plate, platter, postage stamp, pot, printer, radio, rake, refrigerator, roasting pan, rolling pin, shampoo, shirt, shower, sink, skillet, skirt, soap, socks, sofa, spatula, sponge, spoon, stapler, stove, sweater, table, toaster, toilet, toothbrush, towel, umbrella, underpants, waste basket, watch, wine glass.
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I find myself middle-aged divorced lost In the forest dark of my failures mortgage & slack breasts It's hard to admit nobody wants to do me anymore Not even Virgil will lead me down to his basement rental Take a look at my firstborn son Who put me on three months' bedrest For whom I bled on the emergency room floor Who declaims his device sucks Stabs holes in his bedroom wall Complains his ATV's too slow Who plots to run away to join terrorists He'd rather die than do math And the little one ripped From my womb in the surgery room I pierced my nipples to unblock her milk Who pours lemonade on the floor for skating Howls in rage cause her cake isn't pretty Carved No Mom on her door with scissors Who says, No fence but you're kinda fat She'd rather die than wear underpants Virgil, hey!
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All the usual things, of course, like putting a plastic bag over your head (death by suffocation), walking around in wet underpants, swimsuits, or bikini bottoms (death by bladder infection), twisting a tick the wrong way when detaching it from the skin (death by blood poisoning), going swimming less than an hour after eating (death by cramps), accepting rides from strangers (death by kidnapping, rape, murder), taking candy from strangers (death by poisoning, possibly kidnapping, rape, murder) — but there were also other dangers specific to Hammars: Never touch the flotsam that washed up on the beach below the house, liquor bottles, packs of cigarettes, shampoo bottles, tin cans with labels in foreign languages, foreign lettering, don't touch, don't sniff, and for God's sake don't drink (death by poisoning), don't sit in a draft (death by catching a cold), don't catch a cold (death by expulsion from Hammars), don't sit in the drying closet (death by suffocation, possibly electrocution), don't be late (if you showed up late, death would be a consolation, death was, if anything, the only valid excuse for a lack of punctuality).
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She planned to wedge them in somehow alongside the peerless handmade patches Brad Dunning designed for the proto-punk band the Cramps; the sets of girlie pink underpants embroidered with the days of the week; the vintage T-shirts and posters from the photographer Bruce Weber's personal collection; the artist Ben Noam's ceramic mushroom sculptures; the ironically goofy leather patches hand-tooled by Andrew Sexton, a Yale-educated artist who often collaborates with Sterling Ruby; the mugs and paperweights using graphics designed by the American activist nun Sister Corita Kent; the diamond piñatas made for Rat Bastards by Nicholas Anderson and Julie Ho, working as Confetti System; the specially commissioned T-shirts from the Hollywood Forever cemetery; the exquisite porcelain vessels created by the Canadian potter Kayo O'Young; the neo-minimalist chairs and tables constructed by Michael Boyd; the boxed Tom of Finland dolls accessorized with snap-on erections; the gold mesh necklaces and gauntlets the costumer designer Michael Schmidt creates for Dita von Teese, Cher, Rihanna and others; the shirts airbrushed by Louis Eisner with images inspired by Ed Roth; the framed labels from a line of men's wear once produced by the Black Panthers leader Eldridge Cleaver and embroidered with his name.
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