I studied how poly people make compersion possible in relationships.
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You may find, as I did, an unimagined capacity for compersion.
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You don't have to feel compersion in a polyamorous relationship, and it's not the only way to manage jealousy.
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It has developed its own vocabulary and identities, involving, things like compersion, polypods, soft-swaps, full-swaps, and even unicorns (bless them).
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After meeting Darrin's date in person, however, Skubella said she was able to focus on her feelings of happiness, or compersion, for Darrin.
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The theory that I particularly honed in was a word called "compersion," a word coined by polyamorous people to mean the opposite of jealousy.
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There's also a range of how people feel jealousy—some people can work through it and feel compersion more than they were accustomed to.
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The polyamorist aspiration to replace sexual jealousy with "compersion" (a delight in one's partner's sexual delight with someone else) is just that: an aspiration.
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While Johnson articulates feelings of jealousy throughout, she doesn't fail to bring up its counterpart: "compersion," the joy of seeing a partner happy with someone else.
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A concept the poly community has long touted is experiencing joy from someone else's joy, or pleasure from someone else's pleasure — a concept known as compersion.
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Related: Watch 'Inside London's Hedonistic, Polyamorous Unicorn Movement' This idea of compersion: Is it something that is learned or are some people more prone to have less jealous personalities?
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But by the time I turned the big 3-0, found a partner I loved, and, as I mentioned before, worked on myself and cultivated compersion, that emotion began to fade.
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"Here's an opportunity to be able to see your partner engaging with another person—maybe someone they're already dating—in a very intimate way," L.T., a compersion wrestling coach, told Sciortino.
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Polyamorous people also refer to a concept known as compersion, which is basically the opposite of jealousy, and refers to the warm, happy feeling you get when you see your partner with someone else.
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One of the more physical and fun ways of practicing this ideal is by attending a compersion wrestling class, which simulates the intimacy of sharing partners and allows students to confront their emotions in a guided environment.
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Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship. The concept of compersion was originally coined by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco.
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Many polyamorists view excessive restrictions on other deep relationships as less than desirable, as such restrictions can be used to replace trust with a framework of ownership and control. It is usually preferred or encouraged that a polyamorist strive to view their partners' other significant others, often referred to as metamours or OSOs, in terms of the gain to their partners' lives rather than a threat to their own (see compersion). Therefore, jealousy and possessiveness are generally viewed not so much as something to avoid or structure the relationships around, but as responses that should be explored, understood, and resolved within each individual, with compersion as a goal.
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From 1971 until 1991, the community was centered at the Kerista Commune (not a single physical building), founded in the Haight Ashbury district of San Francisco, California. The Keristans maintained a very high profile which included publication of a popular free newspaper and several national media appearances. When it was active, Kerista was a focal point for people interested in alternative and non-monogamous lifestyles. The terms polyfidelity and compersion were coined at the Kerista Commune.
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Permutations of the concept of pleasure at another's unhappiness are: pleasure at another's happiness, displeasure at another's happiness, and displeasure at another's unhappiness. Words for these concepts are sometimes cited as antonyms to schadenfreude, as each is the opposite in some way. Pleasure at another's happiness is described by the Buddhist concept of mudita or the concept of "compersion" in the polyamory community. A similar concept is the Hebrew slang term firgun, happiness at another's accomplishment.
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The old saying "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they are yours -- if not, they never were" describes a similar type of outlook. For this reason, many polyamorists see a "possessive" view of relationships as something to be avoided. This takes a great deal of trust. (A simple test of success: would seeing one's lover find another partner be cause for happiness [compersion] or alarm?) Although non- possessiveness is an important part of many polyamorous relationships, it is not as universal as the other values discussed above.
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Compersion is a positive feeling which a person may sometimes experience when their partner is happily involved with somebody else, in contrast to jealousy. New relationship energy or NRE, is the surge of emotional and sexual openness and excitement usually experienced in relatively new relationships, with recognition of the contrast with the more settled emotional and erotic connections experienced later in the same relationship, or in other ongoing relationships at the same time. A metamour is someone who is a polyamorous partner's partner, that they have no romantic relationship with. This can be their partner's other girlfriend or boyfriend or their partner's spouse.
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